a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
