I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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