The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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