Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
