Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
well, you know. whores of a feather.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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