So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
