koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
