I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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