I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
