i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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