Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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