I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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