you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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