The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
