That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
