I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
