I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
