all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
