erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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