I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
