How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Someone shattered a urinal.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
