her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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