I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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