Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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