College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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