the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
