Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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