Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
