I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
