I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
