I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
