my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
