Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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