and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
