I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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