is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
