He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
