my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
