Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
