my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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