you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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