Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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