I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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