If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
