if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
