Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
