Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
