I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
