I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
