I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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