i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
